November

There are so many things that have happened to me. I wrote a blog about being griefed and deleted it. Why is unimportant but the incident changed so much of how I felt this week.

You know you can't keep a good woman down unless there's some sex involved. But this week was a lot about emotions. The griefer started my thoughts but then something else kicked in. A friend ridiculed me at that moment of near desperation.

Included in this was so many of my friends have partnered in SL or are together in FL. Yes, I felt that emptiness. And loneliness. A few friends listened to my blues and all supported me in different ways. I thought about leaving SL or perhaps creating a new alt. I actually went so far to have created one. Someone whom no one would know. Someone with no impressions of boot heels.

I know who I am in SecondLife offends some. And it's a path never taken by another yet. I don't do depression very well nor am I prone to wallow in it. But this week I decided was not depression it was simple loneliness.

This feeling was why the blues were written. This feeling was why so much has been produced around the world. There are so many women who have found themselves shuttered inside a cabin that was not even in their imagination when they were little girls.

At moments I was stronger and at others I sank back. Oh, I have not nearly been as injured as so many women have. But yet, within my own self, I was hurt. You all know I cannot be offended and I am not needy. However, I can hurt and I did this week.

Fear not, I am coming out of this and I will be stronger. There is much to me and I am more solid then the vapors that surrounded me with their intoxicating poison this week. I simply write this so you know we all find ourselves on an island. Alone. Lonely. And yet I found myself looking up and seeing the beautiful sky. The clouds, The Sun. And down to the water reaching out to the horizon.

So I stopped there and smiled. Realizing the beauty in which we live. The opportunity across the horizon and the love of those not with us as I sat and pondered.

I stood up and surveyed the beach, the birds, the palms and thought, "why am I so morose?" And then a smile creased my lips as I walked to the waters edge with this thought crossing my mind. "I need a new bikini." Love your all Lauren