Friday, June 27, 2008

Laugh, Love and Lose Your Panties

Even SecondLife can create stress and demands. So, what to do when you feel "I want to leave SecondLife. You know, when you want to commit SL suicide. So here are some things to remember.

1. Hey, go do something fun and different. If you've been performing so much you haven't gotten out to do something you always loved doing. Visiting sims, shopping, finding a game to play then do it. People are playing backgammon, scrabble, poker etc.

You may feel like just going alone and spending time with yourself. Tell all your IM's a simple phrase, "I'm spending today with myself. I'll see you tomorrow."

You may crave new friends. As I said above find a game. Or just stop and talk to people the way you did when you first came to SecondLife. Turn off your 'friends notification' . Ignore IM's. Take a break.

2. So, you've fallen in love with everyone you wanted to within your circle of friends and you would like to try something different. Go find a group that seems filled with interesting avie's. Join it..and go get a new circle of friends. Eventually the circles will connect.

3. You're frustrated with building......blow up a project....spray paint a wall........just take a walk.

Look, SecondLife is wonderful but we are still the same soul so frustration, exhaustion and distractions occur here as well. But, you have made some good friends in SL. Some people you would like to find in ThirdLife. So, don't leave unless your first life is so over brimming with activity, love and laughter you no longer need your SecondLife.

But, just before you go, try to think of those who you love and love you. Because, when you log off for good, for some (including me) it's as if a friend in firstlife died, went missing. It's tearful and you are not forgotten just because you have left.

OK, so when this urge gets so great you don't know for sure what to do...........just LOSE YOUR PANTIES

SL5B Lauren Weyland Live

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Borked Redux

Well, I had one hell of a CLUT day.

About a week ago I had a pedicure (and manicure but it's the pedicure that's at fault). I just knew when she decided to clip my big toe nail closer on the corner, she was probably working for the North Koreans.

Anyhow, a week's infected, swollen and painful.

Yesterday I went to my regular doctor and she said I should see a Podiatrist. And so today I left work early and drove up to the doctor's office. Of course the doctor had to inject my toe three times with Novocain. I think the first time was so he could hear me yelp. The second time so he could watch me wince. And the third time was a charm, so I would cry...."Can you feel anything," he asked? I wanted to reply, "Yes, my vomit which is about to heave all over you and this office."

With my toe all bandaged I left the doctor's office only to pull out into the street and CRASH....not SL crash but FirstLife car crash. The police come. All the stuff is exchanged and i drive my poor broken puppy over to the "We can fix it but it will cost you" Body Shop.

Go to Enterprise to rent a car. All they have is a semitrailer. Actually, I know why it's named what it is...a mammoth pickup truck....Dodge this everyone or I may RAM this....up your.....

Anyhow, I'm home......and about to log on and waiting for someone to tell me how BORKED SecondLife is. Yikers Firstlife can throw better curves. I'm smiling.....I am not complaining so tell me how you lost a little do nothing from your inventory. Complain a bit about your last tp. I'm just fine with it.


Thursday at 5pm I'll be giving a PG performance on the main Stage of SL5B. If you are unaware of this please make time to visit all 20 sims which will be open all celebration of SecondLife Birthday 5.

So,why the word CLUT at the top. Because at a meeting with performers at this event we were told we could not use f* words or the word CLUT. Do any of you know what a 'clut' is or where I can get a 'clut'?

I do know what a SLUT is...since I am one. A SecondLife Ultra Tart. But a CLUT? Is it something to describe PMS. Crabby Lady Under Tension?

Other Thoughts on this forbidden SL word

Clean Ladies Underwear Tighties
Crazy Lauren UnTamed
Comedian Lauren's Untold Tales

Anyhow, please send me any Cluts you may have.

Oh, update....the woman I was talking about in the prior blog told me that her married boyfriend told her he talked with his sister about getting a divorce. (This guy is a player). I mentioned to her there is no way to know if he is doing this or making it up. But, she believes him. Oh well, not everyone can be like Lauren.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Lauren On Love

I get asked my advice on love from time to time. And, I am always willing to listen. This particular situation you will see my advice. Do you think it was right or wrong? This is a firstlife circumstance and a secondlife girl....

She has a married man as her boyfriend. He told her he was leaving his wife on June 10th because the weekend before was a big family event he didn't want to mess up. She and I talked and I asked her last night if he had left his wife. Her reply and mine follow.

Friend email to me --

The result of June 10th was of course not as planned. The family outing was a mess and they fought the whole time. I told him I couldn't keep doing this forever. He asked me to "just let their (wife and him) relationship fall apart like it's been doing for over a year". He knows it's over, but still feels like a few things need to be taken care of before (at this point she mentions he needs to sell assets, do better at his job etc..)
It's hard for me to accept that though. I guess I just have to believe him when he says we will end up together. It is apparent that he loves me very much. I just hope the real June 10th comes sooner rather than later.
P.S. What would Lauren Weyland have to say about all that?

My reply:
Lauren Weyland would say this................throughout history this is the same excuse men have given over and over to entice a mistress to stay in their fold. Nearly always there is another excuse and "I'll tell her soon." At some point the man usually ends the relationship and stays with the wife. Most women then go with their tails between their legs...having been lied to.

Are there exceptions....................
...........none I've heard of, but certainly there is an exception to every rule. Why are you going to be the exception..............I have no idea.

But this Lauren would stand or lose.......she would take the initiative. No demands...No negativity. No hard feelings. She would simply say, "Paul, you know I love you. You know I would never want to break up a marriage. And, I've been here for you. Please don't say anything..........just listen..............don't plead...........just understand. I have reached down inside myself and found my own moral dilemma. I understand it isn't yours. I do not wish to change another's morality nor do I wish someone to change mine. I cannot stay with a married man. It's just wrong. I'm sure you'll understand."

(and don't say (if you leave her)..................don't cry......don't shake........don't be calm......and stop talking right there......get up and leave.

He will try excuses.............don't listen............if he loves you he will do what he should do and not worry about property etc. And remember............"if you throw love away, and it's real, it will come back"

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Death and Consequences

Over the past month I have had several friends bury their SecondLife avatar alive. There two different reasons for their desire to die. Interestingly half of them fit one of the reasons and the other half the other reason.

I only have one avatar. Well, in December of last year I was lonely and I created another avatar JW Clip got him through Orientation island which was a bitch and finally to some helpful depot where he looked around and wondered why his clothes looked so bad

I'll get back to the others, but JW Clip has meaning to this blog as well. So, like most women, I had to give JW some spending money for clothes. He managed to get a pair of jeans and a decent haircut and returned to his friendly depot where no one talked to him. I was sort of hoping he'd take me out since all my friends were wedding in SecondLife. But no, he never IM'd me and thus I left him shirtless and alone in his standard issued skin and ragged toenails. Since that day I have not seen or heard from him but he still has 500 Lindens left from what I fronted him on that cold December day unless he's taken some other woman out and spent my money on her.

So, I've had 8 friends during the past month say they were either leaving SL for good or creating a new alt. The reasons fell into just a two categories. Those leaving for good were pressing forward with first life which meant they had found a warm body. Those changing avies were because of griefers. These were the only two reasons.

As to the 4 who left for good two have returned at times with insights into the fragility of firstlife love. One came back because she missed her friends in SL and now remains. The fourth flutters back and forth as a nymph with wings. Unsure which flower has the most nectar.

Of those who created Alts two of them have settled into a quiet life with a partner sifting through the sands on SecondLife looking for shells and lost Lindens. The other two have been found sneaking back lately in their old selves. One of whom says he is going to come back as his avatar and stand firm against the griefer who followed him around. He had not been confronted with his griefer yet but time will tell how strong he'll stand.

Consequences: Well of course there is a problem with all the items that are NO TRANSFER. And then there is the inescapable loneliness an informed noobie can find since he/she doesn't frequent old haunts. There is also the loss of self recognition when looking in the mirror for those like myself who have found that what they look like is who they are regardless of other peoples reality checks. And then of course there are always the tears of finding a part of yourself gone.

If any of you come across JW say hello in chat since he never gets IM's. I am a strong woman but it would have been funny to have partnered with JW Clip. What laughter that would have created with my friends when they checked his profile out. Sadly there are no pictures of JW. He just sits motionless on his bench with a small cardboard sign by his leg that says, "Will LOVE for LIFE...take me home."

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Lauren Live

Friday, June 13, 2008

SL Working Girl

What's it like being a working girl in SecondLife. No, I'm not talking escort service but instead the low paying job but exhilarating job of SecondLife Comedian.

Many of you support me by coming to my shows but I thought I'd share with you the week ahead and what I do. Prior to tomorrow I have been doing research for new jokes. Search SL for funny things that are happening. Type, correct and print the current show. (I do not write a script but instead outline some jokes put more information into others). All times are SL

JUNE 14th - Saturday
8am - Get up and wander into the bathroom knowing in two hours I'm going to have to look pretty for the lights at Adora Skins. I worry about my skin since Adora is about pretty. Drink a cup of green tea (you wish coffee with cream and sugar....yes HEAVY CREAM)
9am - I'm rummaging through my closet trying to find the right outfit to wear. Will Ema put me in the square at Adora or the grungier sim next door. Shit, I can wear this, I don't have the shoes.
9:30am dressed and at the sim I begin putting my things out. There are no strong men to help me nor a star motorhome. Damn, I knew I shouldn't have worn this thong. Also I begin to get my notices ready to send out trying to time it all so you will come to the show. I know the best notice is just a few minutes before showtime but I also have so many things to do just before showtime
9:45am - Have everything set up by my computer. My script in a folder with plastic pages. My water. A small towel to wipe the sweat. Time to go pee (again and again.
9:50am - Take a slurl. Start sending notices, IM's etc to all of you. get my mic, get show animation working...sip water..look at script. Look in the mirror, drat, most mornings that is one frightening experience.
10am- animation on...I look out at all of you. I want to see all your names but it's hard...I want to hear your voices so I know if you are laughing. I so want to thank each of you individually. I want to thank the venue owner for having me. I have the chat box open to hear those who use chat to laugh.............the show begins.....and for the next hour...we are together...laughing about what is funny and out headaches of life disappear.

11am the show is over...I mix with all of you..watching my time since I have a cameo at noon. I need to pee but I'll legs squirm a bit....I hope you don't notice. I have less then a half hour to go pee, freshen up and do the short cameo.

And what does the rest of the week look like (aside non comedic commitments)

Sunday June 15th.....
11:30AM Showtime at Rumble in Brighton
Thursday June 19th
4:00pm Thursdays with Lauren
Friday June 20th
4:00pm Hollywood stars....a show at Moulin Rouge and I have to come as a hollywood star for my show.
Saturday June 21st
4:00pm a new gig at the Blue Orchid

And then the next week begins. By the end of the week my hair needs to be cut, colored and set. I need a manicure and a pedicure. I need a drink. And most of all I need all of you.

So, when you wonder about whether to come to a show or not and then you come, I can't thank you enough. I know many of you come to support me even though you've heard many of the jokes before. I just hope I can get a few new ones so you laugh and find your 'giggle' spot.l

Friday, June 6, 2008

Children - Are they better in SecondLife?

The mess of my son staying with me seems to be the least of the motivations my children have created for me rushing into SL and buying a new dress. (my daughter stays with the former. Equal distribution of angina has been decreed in the divorce papers)

Thinking about the past few weeks I wondered about the children of SecondLife and wanted to know is there angina in SL and what causes it? Mom's and Dad's of SecondLife do you have children where you get an IM in the middle of the night they have been arrested crossing sims, caught with marijuana? Do you get up and bail them out?

(Yes, since college has let out, this is one wonderful FirstLife Beetlejuice experience. Daughter and boyfriend decide while driving up to mother's lake house to puff the 'magic dragon' even though they are living in the only living replica of Nazi Germany...........Atlanta, GA.) I wonder if the giddy high of Mary Jane resounded throughout the jail where they spent the night. How much fun to draw a hopscotch board on the ground of your safe, secure, cell.

SL'ers your kids lose their keys, lose their credit cards, forget to put air in the tires of their secondlife vehicles?

(Oh, you are laughing, only because this is my life and not yours. My son announces on one of the evenings when I was just beginning to relax, "I've lost my key and fob --(fob is a $25 scan you in thing. Note the operative word $25). And without remorse he goes to sleep dreaming of the Inca treasure he is sure I have hidden for these $25 emergencies.)

Daughter takes emergency credit card and decides dinner for two every night of the week with her boyfriend is an 'emergency'. Son feels that every night isn't enough so he eats out 'fancy' every meal. Slowly but surely I begin to feel that sub-prime I am sinking feeling. you give your SL kids credit cards so they can go spend Lindens while you sit at home with your insignificant other wondering if you should look up SEX in the dictionary for a refreshing moment?

Ah, how son didn't put air in his tires as I requested. Instead he needs new tires. Not just replacement tires but racing tires with nitrogen. (If only nitrogen was flammable). When I inform him I am unhappy with his not filling the tires he happily tells me the serviceman said the old ones would have only lasted another 5,000 miles. I hear the air going out of my ears and wonder if I'll last another 5,000 seconds and what he'll say at my eulogy. your children steal your cars and ride from sim to sim disregarding the cost of gasoline and burning rubber?

Dearest daughter who has gone back to summer school (Ha, who could believe failing and the cost of summer school would feel so joyous) calls to apologize she forgot to pay her electric bill (college off campus.....hmmm...) and now happily I can pay the 'turn on' fee. I just feel so 'turned on!"

SecondLifers............what do your sl kids do that you wish thy wouldn't?

The lost credit card...."Dad, did you take my credit card?" What a way to tell me he's lost his credit card. I'm mad because he has to go back to summer school on Sunday and I was so enjoying the thought before he interrupted. Hmmmmmm...."The Treasure of the Lost Credit Card"....who should star, Harrison Ford? Nicholas Cage? Slowly the script comes to my mind. If it's lost he can't use it. If he can't use it!!!!!.....oh a smile of true delight curls my lip as I inform my son, "Well, you'll just have to pay your way with your allowance." And that moment is when the drama begins to turn to comedy.

Oh yes, the joy of parenting. And you want to be a SecondLife parent? Do you have a serious lapse of intelligence and think for some reason they will be teenagers growing up to be just like Obama with scholarships to Harvard and on to the relaxing world of President of the USA.

OMG..........does George and Barbara still get angina from their wonderful child George W?