Wednesday, August 26, 2009

When You Need A Laugh

Giving Up Wine

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven' t had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

(I just had to blog this.....way to funny not to)

A Simple Question

This is such a simple request. Since you are reading this blog I'd love to know your two favorite other blogs and why.

By sharing, perhaps I (and others) will find a great blog we are missing.

Oh, if possible a short descriptive line would be additionally wonderful

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Increasing Your SecondLife Audience

I've had several questions from friends asking why is LaurenLive pulling 45 to 60 in audiences during the summer so I decided to list here some of what I'm developing with the help of my manager Reggier Rimbaud and some I've used over time.

The most important distinction I've made is I don't think of those who come to my show as 'fans'. They are 'patrons' and without them I wouldn't have a show. Also, I limit the number of shows I do since comedy is not that good repeated and writing an hour show is very time consuming. (I think this 'limited edition' of shows is helpful for drawing a larger number oo my audience.)

1. Besides thanking those who donate to your show go to SecondLife Transactions and make a list of those who have and follow up with a thank you after the show (within the next 2 days). Some things I have not done is to keep a list and then merge them so you see which patrons tend to contribute and how often. Also, if they have not joined your hippo group (see below) in your thank you ask (and explain) if they'd like to.

2. Thank everyone who comes to a show (put out a visitor counter). If possible coordinate with your hippo list. I've had patrons come for the first time months after they joined our hippo group.

3. Be careful about overexposure and therefore overwhelming your patron base.

4. Get a web page and make sure your calendar is on it. (see mine;

5. Change the gift you give. Update your giver.

6. How many patrons have you lost because you asked them to be in your SL Group and then a month later they've left the group.

7. Hippo Group - and there are others besides - allows those who enjoy your show to join a group that doesn't use a SecondLife Group slot. There are several downsides to this but they are outweighed by the upside. The major upside is those who join tend to stay joined. So if they aren't around for a few months and come back they may come to your show. Also, they probably will not leave the group unless you send so many announcements.

8. Get to know the time zone your patrons live in and try to alternate performances to include all. Example 12pm -2pm SLT is good for many in Europe. 3 to 5pm can be good for a good part of the Western Hemispher and Europe. 7pm SLT is good for the West Coast.

9. Most people come to a show because they are in world. Unlike firstlife they don't have a date/time/ticket in their calendar. The most effective time to reach your audience is 15 minutes before showtime. So be prepared to send out notices during the last 15 mintues pre-show.

10. update your profile page with pertinent information

11. And if your audience dwindles don't be disappointed but instead focus on a way to rebuild.

Oops....must go...I'm late for my 'mud' bath. Thank god no one ever came up with a 'poop bath' for skin rejuvenation.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

SecondLife SLCC Redux

What a fabulous time. Oh yes, you will here to the contrary and I will give you my reason why the complainers are so so so wrong.

Let's take care of complaint business first. The big complaint was 'disorganized." And, although the complaint is accurate the intensity of the complaint is foolish. Okay, the programs, name tag badges did not arrive until Friday morning (7a.m.) so Thursday's events were posted (in marker) on a board at the reception desk. (not to hard to figure out what to do.)

Another complaint was the Tampa hotel was more convention friendly then the St. Francis. This is a valid comment in that the breakout sessions were easier to find and the hotel lobby larger with more open seating.

The third complaint was regarding the wireless internet speed and the need to charge the room landline ethernet to our hotel room and hope they removed it at checkout (Of course they didn't till I showed them). A bit of a hassle but hey it was all workable.

A very valid complaint is from the Musicians. At the Musicians Ball the techinical (wiring etc) was a complete mess. But the Ball itself was a smashing success.

Enough about the complaints...on with the JOY>>>>>>>

The hotel rooms, the bed linens were incredible. First Class. Lisa, Skylar, Lily and I shared two rooms. Lisa brought enough alcohol to satisfy any Pre AA party. The St. Francis is a grand old lady with a beauty not built today.

I went to several of the break our sessions. They were superb. Attendance could have been better but speakers were well prepared and the presentations were quite enlightening. The sheer number of presentations and the variety of topics dwarfed the 2008 convention. Kudos to all the presenters. You all represented your expertise exceedingly well.

The Big Speech - Philip Linden - Well, you got to love our rock star leader. The girls swooned over him (and some of the guys too.) His speech though (Evolutionary/Revolutionary) was a bit of a rehash from the year before. But his imagination of the future was right on target. Ray Kurzweil is always amazing. I've followed his ideas (speech recognition etc) for nearly two decades.) M Linden showed us his family slide show (photographers...he needs lessons on composition, technique....well everything about before clicking, during clicking and after clicking.)

And this is where the event exploded into BEST EVER. After the Luau (thursday) we all met at a bar/restaurant [Molaskey's Pub so to you Apple and Nasus for what you do] and an impromptu jam session. Pailey, Cylindrian, EvaMoon, Jule, Rosedrop, etc etc....played as we drank and was simply 'marvelous.'

Friday was the Odd Ball. I don't have much to say about this since I did a short show and messed it up. I think I held the mic wrong, there was no spotlight (lucky me since Lauren is getting a bit paunchy) and I wasn't very funny. However, there was plenty of Trance music and Tuna Oddfellow did a great show (despite my closing the cab door on his fingers.) The finger smash happened going to dim sum with Bettina Tizzy as our guide. She sat to my left and Crap to my right. Seven others rounded out the lunch table.

Friday night, after the Odd Ball, we all ended up in the Hotel Lobby with a few musicians strumming and several people singing. Everyone either got drunk or high...many both into the wee hours of the morning. I would tell you more but I'll wait till all the pregnancy announcements are made in the next few months.

All of the firstlife avatars attending are just incredible lifeforms. I don't have room to mention them all but I spent time with Bevan, Blaze, Sloan, CallieDel, Lailu, Candi, Skylar, Lisa, Lily, Gia, Jule, Cylindrian, Orchid, JT, Paisley, Buyers, Eshi, Hypatia, Starr, Yxes, EvaMoon, ToryLynn, Misty, Dusty and so many my detox brain can't remember.

Saturday afternoon we attempted to do Lailu's play "I Gave At The Office" in both First and Second Life simultaneously. We did do something but it wasn't as smooth as we had hoped. CallieDel managed to fall off the stage. We only had two Ethernet lines with three of us so Candi volunteered to try to do her part wireless (actually the cord wouldn't reach her seat so I used it.) And CodeWarrior somehow did his technical magic. Through it all (and this was probably the most disastrous of all the events at SLCC, our one and only, Lailu kept her 'can do' smile.

Saturday culminated in the Musicians Ball (which I got to Emcee and therefore gained entrance to the Green Room. You do not want to know what Musicians do in the Green Room but I think it's probably named for the morning after.) Ed Lowell helped me go from a noobie emcee to a somewhat capable one. Skylar gave me the idea that made the show. Let the audience in firstlife speak to the audience in SecondLife.

There are so many wonderful memories. Pinecrest Diner. Lori's Diner. The Hotel. Union Square. Walking around the town......but what made the event SPECTACULAR were all of you who were there and those of you who were there in SeconedLife.

So, the complaints can only come from those who have not yet learned how to 'satisfy' themselves by the joy of companionship. Those who looked to closely at the faults then the beauty of the whole. Oh, I'm sure there are some complaints I haven't heard with value (lost luggage etc). But, I suspect most avatars will look back and say, "I'm so glad I attended SLCC 2009"

P.S. maybe I'll blog more on this

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Next Two Weeks

Lots going on these next two weeks. Besides performing in two Balls at the SLCC - The Odd Ball and the Musicians Ball - I have been working on my new show which will debut on August 22nd at Hobo Island 5pm SLT

Last night I went and saw Julie/Julia and wondered why we don't we have a cooking show in SL. Where is the Julia Child of SecondLife. There must be a few SL'ers who love to cook and would like to learn how to make dinner in under a minute.

SecondLife Cook Book

1. What are the best chips to buy.
2. Fastest & Most Nutritious Microwave Meal
3. Keyboard forbidden dark liquids and their replacements
4. Meals with the easiest tear open packages.
5. Foods that don't drip
6. If it's CRUNCHY....mic off
7. Clean-Up "Why Compressed Air is a necessity"

Now I must go pack...what to bring to SLCC.

Help me make this blog reach a 1000 readers a day. Use your friends computers to log in. Post notices in your neighborhood. Become a stripper pole dancer with a tat on your ass saying, "Read Lauren's Blog"

Finally, to those of you who will be at SLCC ......see you soon. For those who can''re with us no matter where we are.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

FirstLife Meets Lauren Weyland

Now this is really funny. I did the famous...."How famous am I on Google?" That's when you use quotation markes around your name to see how many google hits you have. Well, I found I had 8.760 and wondered if they were accurate.And if so what were they. Of course there were those I knew, blogs of friends, Machinima makers, etc. But I couldn't help wondering "Was there another Lauren Weyland?" And if so, "How could I kill the bitch for taking my Google space." Fortunately, I am the only Lauren Weyland on Google.

And so I decided to look deeper into these hits to see what was up.

At hit 170 I found I was now the 'trucker babe." Yes, go to the "Trucker Blog" and there I am

There's the wonderful tribute by an SL'er in his Firstlife Podcast (I know this person)

Somehow I'm on the "Global Oneness Community" God knows I'm neither a member nor do I know who these people are. Perhaps they are the second coming of the Scientologists.

I've found I have made it into 23 languages. 9 of which I have never heard of.

Wired Magazine posted an article in April 2008.

UNjobs (Switzerland) has me listed under "Computer Engineering."

Lauren Hutton and I are side by side on a web page (she needs to exercise more)

I've been discussed at some symposium in Edinburgh (yikes)

Of course numerous blogs one of which warned of 'sexual content"

I am on the "Global Fire Fighters" community.

Although I've never heard of "Soup-Everyone" I'm there too!

And, I'm on Playboy.

But I my favorite (besides being the Truckers babe) is

Maternity Suits for You - Lauren Weyland Live (an early episode is listed there.)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Lauren Weyland Live for Helen Keller Day

Ok I just found this.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

A little News from a Big Girl

To All My Dear Friends - I'd love you to see the pictures Sennaspirit took of me the other day. He is amazing (and he can be hired if you are nice to him)

Also, I want you all to know I will have an open mic this Wednesday August 5th. Then the next time I'll perform in SL is on AUGUST 22nd at 5pm at Hobo Island. This will be the opening show of the Third Season of LaurenLive.

I will be performing at SLCC on Friday at the Odd Ball and also Emcee Saturday the Musicians Ball. Don't forget...remember, "some mistakes are so much fun they are worth doing again."

Finally,, Reggier Rimbaud is my agent. So please let her know if you want to book me.