Friday, October 24, 2008

Finding Oneself

A friend of mine sent this to the 'jerk de jour'. It was so great I wanted to share with all of you.(this is about a SL relationship that came and went in SL. Then over a year later he contacted her again.)

To A Jerk: (I inserted jerk instead of the name that was there and elsewhere in this letter)

I have been thinking of a few things that you told me.  Keep in mind this does not come from a place of anger.  You said you wanted to bare your soul for my sake.

From my understanding when you say something is for someone’s “sake” it means for their benefit.  To inform them for their own good.

I was stretching to see what benefit when you offered to bare your soul. YOU shared you were overwhelmed about the possibility of meeting me in real life long ago.

I thought LONG and HARD about what good information there was from you that would change my perspective.

No, you didn’t change it, you confirmed what I thought long ago when I ended our online relationship.  I just never told you, since you shut me out, I knew it would fall on deaf ears.

Last night you mentioned you weren’t holding back.  

I AM holding back.  Why?  Because you are right about one thing.  I am a good woman, heck I am a GREAT woman.  

I am kind, loving, forgiving, nurturing, talented, creative, witty, a fabulous lover and mother, I make the best pot roast in the world . 

I AM a wonderful person.  

If you could not handle me in a virtual community of loving you, you certainly could not handle me in the real world.

Real life is intense (insert jerk name here).  It is full of passion and full deep-down laughs, aching grief, tears, of sweat, loss and love.  What you get OUT of it is up to you.

I was not the one who suggested meeting in RL.  That was your idea and you asked me if I would.  I agreed “someday”.  As I see it, you opened that can of worms and when they wriggled out, in all sorts of directions, you wrestled with feelings, intensity, ideas of being unable to provide financially and  the fear of harming my children?  (Do you know how disturbing THAT is to be told?)

So, since you were concerned for my sake and personal growth,  I am going to share what I think would really benefit me.

I think you are a small man.  I think you acted like a self-centered coward. 

A good, loving man looks at the woman he loves… sees her perspective and doesn’t belittle it even if he doesn’t agree with it.  A loving man will want to see things thru her eyes.

When we were together, I stretched to see the world from your eyes, your heart, your soul.
Did you ever, once, stretch to see thru mine?  I seriously doubt it.

I am not angry.  I do not have regrets of knowing you.  I learned a lot about myself and for that I am SO proud!  I wish you peace and a beautiful life.

I am going to remove you from my friends list, because I really don’t want to spend time with you.  You said your peace; I have now said mine.

(By the way, I am so very proud of my friend who wrote this. Because she is what she says she is here and she has the confidence to say it now and live it forever.)

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