No Teleport and No Steak

I'm off tomorrow till Tuesday night and I would feel terrible not saying anything. Since TP's aren't working I will have to fly

Listen, if you are in the airport tomorrow morning Atlanta flight to New York City. Delta Flight 906 come over and sit down next to me. I'll be in seat 23A. Oh, I'll be wearing my nice white cotton summer dress and fancy thongs.

Yes, come sit down. We can talk fashion. Tell Jokes. Laugh about our loves and cry about those to come. Sure you can make it. The flight leaves at 8:40am we can meet for coffee.

I'm tired now and can't write anymore but if you miss me on the way up try and catch me on the flight back. Delta 909 seat 25C. Sure you can sit on my lap.

Oooppss......I must go now...love you, Lauren

Hidden Curves Ahead

Many of us have children in FirstLife. For some they are in college and others they are still in diapers. But they do hold us and remind us we exist in the physical as well as digital world.

Our children. No matter how old they become they remain 'our children'. Mine are back from college. This means, quite literally, a mess!

My son has learned how to do laundry. Just put everything in the machine, add detergent and let her rip. Changle...changle...chug......the machine's melancholy moan echoes though my apartment. Wash loads from a towel to the whole caboodle are summarily shaken and stirred.

Kitchen, bedroom and all around is littered with soda bottles, empty non-biodegradable snack food bags (nor is what was in them biodegradable) and half empty cups with tobacco chew saliva washing down the rim and pooling in the cold contents. A universe of liquids that should not combine.

And I wonder, as the dryer starts a horrific choir of rattling buttons, zippers and unknown pocket items, "Will he paint his first apartment this color?"

Is there a color called Vomit?

I empty the dryer and find a black lacy pair of panties entwined around his clothes.......and I imagine CSI doing an episode with the black light in his room.

Yes, the room he lives in between the semester and mandatory summer school looks like a scene cut from the movie 300. How is it possible to believe this is, "all cleaned up"? The only good thing I am sure of is he could never be broken if captured. His reply would be, "What orders?" The truth lost in his cavernous mind of sugared dreams.

The pantry fills with things that say, "Oh, eat me and gain all that weight back in just 7 days." And of course I take a bite and my hips start to expand. A refrigerator with items that don't seem to be perishable even in the digestive tract.

And the hordes of friends come by to drop crumbs and sauce on the carpet as they watch movies that are neither funny nor dramatic but they laugh.

Ah, he's gone to spend the next two days with a friend at the Lake. I begin to think of all those horror movies whose settings are on a lake and realize it's not from the depths of the lake or from the dark of the woods where fear emanates but from my son and his friend entering the cabin and I smile knowing it's neither my cabin nor am I there.

Crash, Bang, Update Ma'am

Often in SecondLife people will complain about lag, the updates, textures not rezzing, voice is out, stream doesn't work, friends list only knows my friends called hippo, hair is up my ass, shoe is up my ass. I'm being griefed, my sim has crashed, I've crashed. I can't tp. My IM's don't work, I'm frozen and on and on...with denouncement of SecondLife and how they can't stand it anymore.

Today, May 17th............EARTH

Television signal ceased to function......eventually it was back up and running

Internet signal (separate line from TV) ceased to function.........finally came back up

Wireless Router light out not working............hmmmmmm.....after checking with the Lindens it appears a circuit breaker had shut down. Whew back in biz

Water none....how can this all be related?

Cell Phone.... No Signal

and believe me Tom Cruise is not in this movie. This has been my life for the past 3 hours. (only thing still not working is water)

So, when you get that "the Lindens are letting me down" sinking feeling. Come read this blog.....smile and wonder. Because now I have to try to

Take the Elevator Down
Start my car

And hopefully find I'm not living "War of the Worlds"

See you soon.............Lauren

Lost - The New Reality Life Show

There is such a commingling of firstlife and secondlife for me I am drifting in a state of near delusional happiness. On one side of the looking glass I am Lauren, comedienne, actress, mother and friend. On the other side, I am completely different.

But thoughts collide. An episode of Lost showed Freckles jumping up into the waiting arms of Jack her legs entwined around his waist, arms around his neck. (If you don't know the tv show Lost just think of the image) So, I think to myself (hmmmm can I think to someone else....redundancy abounds....Where is John Galt?)

There are many heavy women. I mean from 175lbs and up. They've grown up with the same imagery as the skinny ones. One day, I'll marry and he'll carry me over the threshold. NOT. I mean how many men are there that can catch Rosie O'Donnell, Meg Whitman, Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey? So, what do you do when you confront the issue as a woman? (Men, do you stand there with your new 200 lb bride, at the threshold to your new home and wonder?) What is the proper ratio of weight to allow for a Hollywood entrance to your new home?

And, here I am in FirstLife with so many responsibilities which I have accepted yet I would never do in SecondLife. And, there are many things I cannot do in SecondLife that I love doing in FirstLife. Cooking is one of them.

And my friends in SL often are closer to me emotionally then those of FL and I find I simply want to digitize. The odd part of that is so many of you reading this would understand and so many of those I know in FL would simply decide to call the Pyschomobile to come whisk me away.

Things that standout for example. FirstLife - If a guy orders a drink with an umbrella, has a girly sounding name, is pink etc. that would be considered a violation of all that is holy (and connotes either being gay or never going to get a lay). SecondLife - it is either drunk from the bottle or has an umbrella. The guys eat 'candied apples' and the girls drink Jack without coke.

Within our SL one goes shopping and can either (in voice...or....chat) listen to what the other shoppers are saying. You can stop and linger. Listen and not be intruding. Hearing other peoples worlds and dreams. Try that in FL and see what happens.

So, Lost......Lost in Space.....Lost (the Island)..........Lost Vegas.........are we lost, found or do you have another thought?

MEN - Where are they? Can you take them home?

Interesting that I received a few comments (privately) from men who asked me if I would write something nice about them. Apparently I've been harsh and so today is about many of the good things about men. (BTW, I'm talking about men, you know the ones who open the door and help us out of the car, which we can't do ourselves since the tight full length dress is already enough to deal with.)

The men who carry a cloth handkerchief for when we cry even though they may be tears of joy, sorrow or the three hundred other reasons we cry. When the relationship goes south (or marriage) they want to see us (and children if there are any) do well and are happy they gave us those jewels and want us to keep them. The men who never say how much they've spent on us and notice when we buy a new outfit or change our hair etc.

So, to those men, this bud is for you (that's the flower bud of womanhood). We appreciate you so much when you are there. We miss you when you are away. We love to laugh together and smile realizing the world is so much bigger because of two different points of views.

We know you work hard and often can't figure out how we'll afford things. We have grabbed shovels to help you by working, doing the family accounting because we love you. We understand when your hair is falling out it's not a happy bathroom sight. Or the day you find your waist is the same size but it's what is above the waist that has expanded.

Yes, many of our hair creations are nightmares. We are sorry we have scared you with some of them. Thanks for the patience and a smile having to stop so often for us to use a bathroom (no we won't ever tell you anything more then we have to pee)

We love that you aren't a great dancer but you'll still dance with us. And understand the times you've waited for us at a shop we had to go buy something you didn't think we needed. That you've never counted how many pairs of shoes we own. And never have the feeling you own us.

So, to all the MEN out there. We love you.

(now please...no more emails, Im's etc wondering why I have not written nicely about men. Lauren the Magnificent has spoken). Drat what a childish ego I just displayed.)


1.